Dear Anomynous,
How do I say this. I have been thinking about the proper way to lay this on you for months now, and I still haven't found it, but I have to tell you now, instead of later, because I don't want to keep falling down this endless black hole. You know I'm not the one to share my feelings with anyone. Usually I just keep my emotions bottled up inside, and just keep a smile on my face and go on with the day, but this time I can't, especially with you.
As you may or may not know, since others have been telling me that I am making it obvious, and that they can tell, that I have been and still am falling for you. Now hold on, don't get scared, because I don't think I'm falling in love with you, atleast I hope not, all I know is that I am falling for you in some sort of way. I know this is bad, that I'm not supposed to feel this way at all, that we're supposed to be best friends forever, and that I'm supposed to always be there for you. Well I still am here for you, and I will always be; because, quite honestly, your all that I got. You mean the world to me, and without you in my life I don't know how I would manage. Your the only person in the world I would do anything for, absolutely anything. For example: Go to another state to help you move back, or to another country if you went to school in London, or get finished working a ten hour shift (12 am-10 am) and two nights of no sleep and still go to your house, rotate your tires, and help wash your car, or stick up for you, and risk destroying a close friendship, just to show I gave a damn about ours. The list goes on, and on. Basically what my point was I have done, and will do, absolutely, anything for you.
If your asking yourself, "Why, how, what did I possibly do to make him feel like this?" Then we're definitely on the same page, because I don't have a clue. I thought it's because I see you or hang out with you too much, so I try not hanging out with you for a week, but then my mind starts wondering and then i start writing poems, not knowing at first what they're about or who they're about, like "The Mysterious Woman", until they're finished, and the majority of the time its about you. Then when I see you again, for the first time in a week or two, it's like seeing the sun for the first time, or watching a meteor shower for the first time. I can't help it, I start smiling. Thats when you ask me," Why are you smiling so much?" and I just simply reply," Oh no reason."
I absolutely love spending time with you, your the only person that I can sit down and do absolutely nothing with, and still have a ball. No matter what you and I do, we make the best out of it, and I absolutely love that. I love the fact that you have no shame of picking out your Imperfections, like your, " Jay Leno chin" or your, "Jewish nose". Because of that, because of those Imperfections, thats what makes you perfect, to me. It's to the point that I can't listen to a love song with out thinking about what me and you could be like if I told you how I feel, but samething happens whenever I listen to a sad song aswell. Thats why I've been feeling kind of ancy telling you this.
Look, before you start considering to stop talking to me, this is not a note or letter to get you to like me, or make you my woman, or anything like that. I would love if it happened, but I'm no fool, and I know it's more than likely it won't. Infact I am 95% sure you don't even feel slightly the same that I feel for you, and I am absolutely fine with that. Like I said before, I am not looking to make you my girl, or anything that resembles that. I just had to get this off my chest, out of my head, before I went crazy. I read your blog, like always, and I would be lying if I said I didn't wish, hope, and pray every night that #1 was about me, but I know that it's more than likely #4.
So listen, I love you, and I know you love me. Might not be in the sameway that I want, but I'm okay with that. I'd rather have a little something than nothing at all. I hope #1 realizes what he has, and who he has, and that he will treat you perfect.
I'll be there for you through thick and thin, to help you with things other people cant or won't. You still got me.
Love always and forever,
Me.
P.s.
You're still my Ride or Die Chick. :p
The Mysterious Woman
Her beauty is an unsolved mystery
Yes, physically she is amazing
But her personality is untamed and crazy
Which will make you keep chasing
Because, just maybe, she does everything you want to do, but cant
And you just find that so interesting
Her smile is bright
Like a crystal when you put it in sunlight
There isn't anything better to steal your sight
Her skin is like a ruby or a gem
It is full of color and glistens when you stare from a distance
As beautiful as a rose
Yet, as bold as the the thorns she holds
She isn't afraid to let her feelings be known
When she is happy its like watching the sunrise
And watching the sunset, you just have to stand there and stare for a minute
Realize the beauty that is held within it
But when she is sad or is depressed
Its like a winter night, when the air is crisp and cold
When your not getting enough air, so your taking deeper breaths
Desperately looking for someone to hold through the cold winter snow
The kind of weather when you cant fill your lips or the top of your finger tips
A kind of winter that you would like to forget
But then she is back like the season of spring
And all you see are beautiful things blossoming
Which shows you that she is happy constantly
Because she doesnt allow thing to get to her for long
Its just another page in her book of mysteries
A book that she closely holds full of stories that are being written
But will never be told
She is the storm that passes your home that keeps you wondering why its soothing to your soul
Is it the cry of the lightning, or the roar of the thunder
How long are you planning on making me wonder?
If It Kills Me- Jason Mraz
Hello, tell me you know
Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
And it would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now
And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing
Cause you and I
Why, we go carrying on for hours, on and
We get along much better
Than you and your boyfriend
Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
Well how long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn't healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all
Baby there's a lot that I miss
In case I'm wrong
Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If I should be so bold
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man
But I never said a word
I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again
All I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
I think it might kill me
And all I really want from you is to feel me
It's a feeling inside that keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
It might kill me.
that song sums up everything.
